Time may change me, But I can’t trace time.
That was the early 70’s for us. Off the heals of the 60’s, times were changing. The war was coming to an end. No longer wanting to be silenced from the indifferences around us, some of us rebelled.
We did it without the internet and all the resources available today. No viral video’s, but if lucky, some demonstrations made the evening news. Blogging would be a journal. Burned, to depose of all of the evidence. We grew in directions others said we shouldn’t, couldn’t or even wouldn’t be able to. Change is how we grow! I don’t know how else you can grow without change.
During Our Journey Through LIFE we have always embraced change. Sometimes welcomed, sometimes unexpected, sometimes planned, but ALWAYS prayed on. Change happens even if we don’t want it to, or in fact think we have to, but we ALL change in one way or another and surely as time goes on.
I know I am not alone on our journey, or even in my personal journey. Holding on tight to Faith, keeping an ear to God, He was with us each and every step of the way. Sometimes it is hard for us to look back at certain times of the journey because of the pain encountered along the way.
Oh, but in looking back, one would see just how it fit into God’s plan and how it all created who and where we are today. Of course don’t go back with the devil by our side. He won’t allow us to see the good work done. His plan is to keep us bitter and distant. Oh there was some close encounters and some dancing with him, he’s that good. God is Greater! He allowed doors to open and gave the strength for us to walk through them.
You see, the reason there was change is because it was needed! Something had to give, someone had to stand up, somehow it had to get better and it would be better. But not without change! Not without God! Not without forgiveness, understanding, and compassion. And I have been blessed to go through these changes with my husband of 35 years and God. Oh my goodness! 35 years of trial and error, bringing with it some of the most memorable times, good or bad, for all those years and changes brought us right to where we are now!
Even now change is still happening. Not only change in us, but in those we love. Watching our children grow and go through life's challenges. Watching our grandchildren grow through the world around them. Every day, every week, month and year that passes bring the change that embraces life. Teaching them to not be afraid, to embrace it, cherish it is the icing on the cake, a glorious gift from God.
Which brings me to why change is on my heart and in my prayers.
The bout I had with that darn bug, all the coughing, has created a bit of a problem. My general doc wanted to send to the heart doc. I had to decline. You see, he doesn’t understand, or he could and it’s just he didn’t remember in that 15 minute exam, I went down this road 5 years ago, spent over $35,000 on test that showed my heart was very strong. It’s the benign tumors (hemangioma’s) adding stress to it.
13 years ago they removed 8, and aspirated 5 others. By 2004 a new one showed up on my liver joining the 3 in my breast. We agreed surgery was not an option. By 2008 the one on my liver has tripled in size, I don’t remember how many were on the breast, and numerous ones are found up and down my spine. Seriously, they never said a number, just numerous and multiple locations. Sure I could have gone and gotten a copy of the picture or whatever to count for myself but why. Would it matter? The awesome neurosurgeon we had at the time (she’d been reviewing my case for 2 years at this point) gave the best directions. Control the blood pressure to reduce pulsing of the tumors, which would reduce leakage and pain. Make changes to reduce fuel for their growth. Of course she also had to add I refused additional drugs to control the side effects the tumors were causing. I chose to deal with the symptoms naturally until it got to a point I really needed them. Guess were there!
For the last 5 years now I have been fighting that uphill battle. Without their drugs and with tons of occupational and physical therapy, I traveled, visited with special people in my life, had some awesome experiences, I walked up 99 steps to the top of the state capitol in Denver, I relearned to ride a bike last year and drove my self to Napa for a visit. Just a few of the many wonderful memories that will get me through this next challenge, encouraging me to find a way to make more!
So with two pages of lab work and ultrasounds ordered I came home devastated and even a bit defeated. Then the cost of what all this was going to cost hit me like a ton of bricks. Understand it took 4 years to pay off the last round and this round would probably be at the least, 3 times that if not more. So my hubby and I went over the list and with previous experience and knowledge we crossed off all the testing that was looking for heart blockage. We agreed our best route is to do the ones for the tumors. See how big they are which will determine if we need to look at the heart. If they have grown (like we suspect) and have been and are leaking, this is the cause and a change in blood pressure meds should help. God knows I can’t afford for this to be a heart problem. Just the thought of it, what it entails and it’s cost, scares the britches right off me. I will be having the test done tomorrow morning bright and early. We should know those results early next week and my next doctor’s appointment is March 15th. You all know how I believe in the power of pray and for the days ahead, that will be my main focus. Only God knows the direction this is going. I trust in Him fully.
Our Journey Through LIFE is always changing and embracing the Blessings.